By Sinousxl (Pixabay)
Recognizing the emotionally draining relationships that sap your strength
I was a freshman in high school at a dance. He was wearing a suit — very Duran Duran, very 1980s. His friends rushed over to tell me he’d seen me across the room and had to meet me. I didn’t even stop to ask myself if I liked him. I just said yes. Because having a boyfriend was everything.
He was sweet — at first. But by the end of the night, he was already talking about how terrible his ex was. I listened, starry-eyed and eager. We started dating exclusively. Every night, I stayed on the phone for hours, listening to him complain about his job, his family, his life. He never asked about mine.
Within a week, I was sympathetic.
By the second week, I was neutral.
By the third, I was resentful.
I loved the idea of being in a relationship. But the actual relationship? I was drained. He never gave. He only took.
This, my friends, is what we now call an energy vampire.
What Is an Energy Vampire?
An energy vampire is someone who leaves you emotionally and mentally exhausted. They dominate conversations, rarely show interest in your life, and thrive on drama, negativity, or constant validation.
They can come off as charming at first. But their pattern is consistent:
-
They overshare, but don’t reciprocate.
-
They demand your time, but give little in return.
-
They drain your energy, not fuel it.
If you’re always leaving a date or phone call feeling depleted, you’re not imagining things. You might be settling for someone who’s siphoning off your peace of mind.
The Hard Lesson: Settling vs. Choosing
I had to break up with him, for my own sanity. And of course, once I did, I became the next “evil ex-girlfriend.” But I didn’t care.
Because I had learned a hard lesson: choosing any body instead of the right body will always cost you more in the long run.
Your energy is sacred. Your story matters. And love should feel like a filling of your cup, not a constant draining of it.
I confused attention with affection. And affection with love.
Choosing means you:
-
Are clear about your values.
-
Wait for mutual respect.
-
Pay attention to how you feel when you’re around someone.
Settling means you:
-
Accept behavior that drains you.
-
Abandon your needs to avoid being alone.
-
Think any relationship is better than none.
The Hard Lesson
I had to break up with him. For my own sanity.
Of course, once I did, I became the next “terrible ex” in his saga. But I didn’t care. I’d learned a powerful lesson:
Never choose someone just to fill a space. Choose someone who truly deserves to be there.
Final Thoughts
If you’ve ever felt this way, you’re not alone. It’s easy to ignore red flags when we crave connection. But every time we settle, we tell ourselves we’re not worth more.
You are.
Trust your energy. Trust your gut. And above all, choose wisely.
4 Ways to Deal With Energy Vampires” – Psychology Today:
5 Signs of an Energy Vampire and how to cope with- Very Well Mind:
https://www.verywellmind.com/energy-vampires-characteristics-types-and-coping-strategies-7373913
